1 Samuel 18:1-16 (Part 2) – Are You Really Ready for This?

Posted: February 26, 2018 in 09-1 Samuel

1 Samuel 18:1-16 (Part 2 of 3)
Saul Becomes Jealous of David

Jealousy is an ugly emotion that can never be satisfied. It always must be fed to the point of destroying relationships. Have you had a relationship like that? It most often happens in marriages where there has been infidelity. I have seen too many couples try to reconcile immediately in the aftermath of the discovery of an adulterous affair. I have been there myself. You love your wife or the idea of your wife so much that you say that you are willing to forgive, but are we really ready?

The one who has been cheated on says that they can forgive because it is the Christian thing to do. We are told by our Christian friends and mentors that it is the right thing. And we know it is the right thing. God hates divorce and He wants us to love unconditionally and He wants us to forgive. And you, wanting to be a good Christian man or woman buy into those sentiments and fully believe that we should immediately reconcile with our spouse. But are you really ready for what all that entails?

After the initial wondrous first few days of a reconciliation, then, reality sets in. You start to wonder what your spouse is doing when you are not with them. If they are more than 30 minutes late to anything, you wonder and your mind starts to wander. You begin to overcompensate by texting and calling. You begin to shower them with affection and showing up unannounced at work. It all begins to build into this desperate need to know exactly what your spouse is thinking, which is of course is impossible. The emotions of jealousy begin to occupy your mind. You build up these scenarios where you feel completely lost and feel that your spouse really doesn’t love you like you love them. You want them to love you like you love them. But no matter what they do, it is never enough to satisfy that jealousy in your heart. It eats. It consumes. It is never satisified. It becomes an overweight emotion that consumes all sugary substances in our life. It requires more and more and more from the spouse that cheated to the point that they feel smothered by the neediness of the spouse who has been cheated upon. The weird thing about these spouses who have been cheated upon is that all the actions that they intend in their mind to get their spouse to prove their love actually drives their spouse away. Are you really ready for all those emotions that are going to drive you insane with jealousy? Are you really ready?

If you are a spouse who has cheated who then comes to the realization that an adulterous affair is just smoke and mirrors and just the best sides of people and not real life over the long haul and then decide to reconcile with your spouse, are you really ready for this? After that wondrous first few days of a reconciliation, then, reality sets in. As the cheating spouse who is trying to reconcile their marriage, you gotta go into to it realizing that you have got to go the extra mile. You have profoundly altered the relationship with your infidelity. You have profoundly hurt your spouse to the core. You must realize that to them it is almost as if a death has occurred. It is in some ways worse than death. When you were having the affair, the you that you once were to your spouse died but yet they still see you walking around. In that way, it is actually worse than death. You must treat them as a grieving person. You must go the extra mile. Are you really ready for that? Are you ready to have to report your every move? Are you really ready to have to do that for an extended period of time? Are you really ready to validate your spouse as the center of your universe sometimes hourly for an extended period of time? Are you really ready for that? Do you love them enough to be smothered for a while and maybe an extended while. Are you willing to overlook rude comments about your past infidelity? Are you willing to see them seething and smoldering with jealous anger that is eating them alive and know that you are the cause of it? Are you really ready for that?

That’s why I often think it is best in adulterous situations for the two spouses take some time to evaluate these questions. It may even require some living apart but with an eye toward ultimate reconciliation. The emotions of jealousy are so raw and so all consuming for the jilted spouse that it can be ultimately destructive to a relationship if reconciliation is not handled properly. A spouse who has cheated also must realize that the jilted spouse is a grieving spouse that you must love through some tough times. The anger phase of recovery from grief can be a long one. The jilted spouse also must be prepared to trust even when jealousy and past experience says you shouldn’t. That is a tough task for many and only a few can actually achieve over time. Jealousy can suck the life out of a relationship. Are you ready for that if you are trying to reconcile a relationship?

With that idea of trying to save a relationship from the devastating effects of that horrid and all consuming emotion of jealousy, let us read today’s passage for the second of three reads, 1 Samuel 18:1-16:

Chapter 18
1 After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between them, for Jonathan loved David. 2 From that day on Saul kept David with him and wouldn’t let him return home. 3 And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, because he loved him as he loved himself. 4 Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt.

5 Whatever Saul asked David to do, David did it successfully. So Saul made him a commander over the men of war, an appointment that was welcomed by the people and Saul’s officers alike.

6 When the victorious Israelite army was returning home after David had killed the Philistine, women from all the towns of Israel came out to meet King Saul. They sang and danced for joy with tambourines and cymbals.[a] 7 This was their song:

“Saul has killed his thousands,
and David his ten thousands!”

8 This made Saul very angry. “What’s this?” he said. “They credit David with ten thousands and me with only thousands. Next they’ll be making him their king!” 9 So from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David.

10 The very next day a tormenting spirit[b] from God overwhelmed Saul, and he began to rave in his house like a madman. David was playing the harp, as he did each day. But Saul had a spear in his hand, 11 and he suddenly hurled it at David, intending to pin him to the wall. But David escaped him twice.

12 Saul was then afraid of David, for the Lord was with David and had turned away from Saul. 13 Finally, Saul sent him away and appointed him commander over 1,000 men, and David faithfully led his troops into battle.

14 David continued to succeed in everything he did, for the Lord was with him. 15 When Saul recognized this, he became even more afraid of him. 16 But all Israel and Judah loved David because he was so successful at leading his troops into battle.

In this passage, we see that Saul’s appreciation for David turned to jealousy as people began to applaud David’s exploits. In a jealous rage, Saul attempted to murder David by hurling a spear at him (1 Samuel 18:11-12). Jealousy may not seem to be a sin, but, in reality, it is one step short of murder. Jealousy starts as you resent a rival. It leads to your wishing that they were removed. Then, it manifests itself in words and/or actions. Beware of letting jealousy get a foothold in your life.

Saul tried to kill David because he was jealous of David’s popularity, yet David continued to protect and comfort Saul. Perhaps, people have been jealous of you and have even attacked you in some way. They may be intimidated by your strengths, which makes them conscious of their own shortcomings. It would be natural, according to our normal fleshly desires, to strike back or to avoid them. A better response is to befriend them (see Matthew 5:43-44) and to ask God for the strength to continue loving them as David kept on loving Saul.

Jealousy is an all-consuming, life-sucking, air-depriving emotion. It sucks that life right out of a relationship. Are you willing to love someone through jealousy? If you are the jealous one, are you willing to trust when the fiber of your flesh calls out to you to make someone comply with what you need? Are you willing to realize that jealousy makes you think stuff that’s not real? Are you willing to realize that you have to give that object of your jealousy over to the Lord? Are you really ready to do that? It takes a big man or big woman to trust when every fiber of your being cries out not to! If you are a person who is the subject of someone’s jealousy, are you willing to grant them grace and love them through it? Are you really ready for that?

Are you ready to grant grace? Are you ready to love someone even when they are jealous of you and feel like they are sucking the life right out of you? Are you willing to seek forgiveness for your wrong to them over and over and over and over?

Are you ready to trust someone who has hurt you? Are you really ready to forgive? Are you really ready to put the past in the past and not live in it and relive it every day? Are you willing to move forward and not punish the other person for the wrong they did your forever? Are you willing to give up your supposed moral superiority over them in the name of forgiveness and saving the relationship?

Just think. God does all that for us through His Son Jesus Christ. He puts all the wrongs in the past as far as the east is from the west. He suffers with our fleshly desires and loves us anyway. He loves us back to life and reconciliation with Him.

Amen and Amen.

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