Judges 10:6-18 – How Many Times Is Too Many Times?: A Tale of a Father & His Prodigal Daughter

Posted: September 8, 2017 in Book of Judges
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Judges 10:6-18
The Ammonites Oppress Israel

How many times is too many times? That is the question that I struggle with today. As you may know, if you have been a consistent reader of my blog, my relationship with my youngest daughter has been, to say the least, strained over the past two years. Until this past Saturday, we had not spoken in six months even though I had tried to communicate with her on several occasions. The last time that she spoke to me before Saturday was in early February of this year. At that time, she asked me for help with her power bill and water bill since both services had been cut off. Because of my fear that she would blow the money on something other than what she asked it for, I told her that I would pay up her utilities. It cost me over a thousand dollars to do so (as she had not paid those bills in about six months). During the last two years, she rarely spoke to me after I cut her off from her car insurance, her cell phone, and any “daddy I need money” money. So that February experience, I was in hopes that she would renew her relationship with me and with her sister and my oldest daughter. During the past two years, she has missed every family event that you can name, including the birth of and first birthday of her niece and my granddaughter.

However, last Friday afternoon, she sent me this very lengthy email coming clean about what has been going on in her life for the last two years and asking that I forgive her. For once in one of her emails to me or phone calls to me over the last 15 years, she did not ask for money. She admitted to her addictions. She admitted that she has made bad choices and used the death of her mother, my ex-wife, two years ago as an excuse to fall deeper into her addictions. She apologized for all the rejection that she has shown over the past few years, and particularly the last two. She said she realized that everything that she blamed me for was really problems of her own making. She apologized for February where she just used me to get her utilities back on, even though she put on the water works and promised to do better and to find a job. She then proceeded to not talk to me again for another six months until her email Friday and our phone conversation on Saturday morning.

This time, with her honesty both in her email and her phone, things just seemed different. She seems to be different. She seemed less child-like and more mature. She did not seem like a child in a grown up body anymore. She did not ask for money even once in our conversation which was unusual (as the only time she would call me (instead of me calling her) was when she needed money for this or money for that and it was always an emergency). This time, she was just wanting to apologize for the past and ask for a chance to start our relationship over again. The crux of the matter was that she said that a car accident she had a month ago where she ended up inside her car upside down in a ditch that totaled her car that made her realize that she had to change. She admitted that she had an addiction problem that made itself the most important thing in her life. It included not caring for her car and tires and such which contributed to her car accident. So, this phone call had a different tenor than any previous conversation I had had with my youngest child in, well, ever.

After the conversation, it was apparent to my wife and I that Taylor, even though she seems to want to reclaim her life, was going to be in a catch-22 situation where she can’t find a job unless she has a car. The other side of that is that she can’t get a car unless she has a job. With her credit history and lack of a job, getting any kind of car was going to be impossible for her. My wife came up with the idea of giving Taylor her car (a 2008 Mazda 3) and then us buying her another car from a local used car dealer who goes to our church. We would get her a used by in good shape Mazda 6. Since our Mazda 3 was paid for, we could give it away without any problems. I will have to admit that without my wife coming up with this idea, I may have not done anything this major to help my daughter. But with her influence and the influence of the Holy Spirit, I was led to approve the plan. My wife spent all afternoon with Taylor day before yesterday getting the car insured in Taylor’s name, getting the taxes in Taylor’s name, and getting the title in Taylor’s name. Prior to that, on Wednesday morning, I had a long conversation with Taylor about what we were going to do for. Amazingly, at first, Taylor did not want to accept the car because, as she said, “I don’t want you to think that’s why I initiated contact with you again for the first time in six months! I told her that she needed this but I did not want her to think that this was the start of me giving her financial support all the time, again. I told her that the utilities at her home, the taxes that are due on it, everything about this car (taxes, insurance, and so on were on her). I am so in hopes that this time she is going to get her life turned around (and that this car will help that). I am also fearful that this is just another hose job where she really played it cool this time and worked an angle that she knew I would fall for – a Taylor who is honest about her mistakes and her willingness to get her life started over again.

How many times is too many times to help your child? I am so fearful that now that she has transportation again that she will fall off the face of the earth again. I am fearful that she will begin using again at some point. I am fearful that if that happens the next time I hear from her will be about her – from the coroner’s office. I am fearful of Taylor just continuing to exist and living in poverty and not fulfilling her God given potential. I am fearful. But the Lord is trying to comfort me that this gesture is hand up and not a hand out. He is saying to me that I can say no to her just as began two years ago and without this one gesture she may end up in the ditch dead because she had no way out of the cycle she was in no matter if she stopped using or not. Her sister and step-sister are less hopeful. They both warned us of what could be happening here. It is easier to write off a sibling than it is a child I guess. I don’t blame either one of them for their feelings. Each one, my oldest daughter and my stepdaughter, is a productive citizen and have good jobs. Each one has worked since their teen years. Whereas they have seen Taylor not really work but for about four years in her life (and she is now almost 27 years old and hasn’t worked in 2 years). I understand all that. There question is how many times is too many times. I get it. I have been asking that question myself even before telling my oldest daughter and my stepdaughter about what we were doing for their sister.

It was this idea of how many times is too many times when it comes to our kids that came to mind when I read through today’s passage, Judges 10:6-18, this morning. Let’s read it together now:

 

6 Then the sons of Israel again did evil in the sight of the Lord, served the Baals and the Ashtaroth, the gods of Aram, the gods of Sidon, the gods of Moab, the gods of the sons of Ammon, and the gods of the Philistines; thus they forsook the Lord and did not serve Him. 7 The anger of the Lord burned against Israel, and He sold them into the hands of the Philistines and into the hands of the sons of Ammon. 8 They [a]afflicted and crushed the sons of Israel [b]that year; for eighteen years they afflicted all the sons of Israel who were beyond the Jordan [c]in Gilead in the land of the Amorites. 9 The sons of Ammon crossed the Jordan to fight also against Judah, Benjamin, and the house of Ephraim, so that Israel was greatly distressed.

10 Then the sons of Israel cried out to the Lord, saying, “We have sinned against You, for indeed, we have forsaken our God and served the Baals.” 11 The Lord said to the sons of Israel, “Did I not deliver you from the Egyptians, the Amorites, the sons of Ammon, and the Philistines? 12 Also when the Sidonians, the Amalekites and the Maonites oppressed you, you cried out to Me, and I delivered you from their hands. 13 Yet you have forsaken Me and served other gods; therefore I will no longer deliver you. 14 Go and cry out to the gods which you have chosen; let them deliver you in the time of your distress.” 15 The sons of Israel said to the Lord, “We have sinned, do to us whatever seems good to You; only please deliver us this day.” 16 So they put away the foreign gods from among them and served the Lord; and [d]He could bear the misery of Israel no longer.

17 Then the sons of Ammon were summoned and they camped in Gilead. And the sons of Israel gathered together and camped in Mizpah. 18 The people, the leaders of Gilead, said to one another, “Who is the man who will begin to fight against the sons of Ammon? He shall become head over all the inhabitants of Gilead.”

Here, in this passage, we see that the Israelites suffered for many years before they gave up their sinful ways and called out to the Lord for help. Notice that when they were at the end of their rope, they finally looked to the One who was really able to help, not their pagan gods. But despite being rejected by His own chosen people, God never failed to rescue them when they cried out to Him with repentant hearts. Likewise, God never fails to rescue us. We often act like the Israelites, when we put God on hold, put God outside our daily lives, go underground from him, avoid him, until we need Him for something or something bad happens. Just as a loving parent feels rejected when their child rebels, so God feels the same way when we ignore or reject Him. In His pursuit of us though, He so loves us that no matter what we have done, we can have relationship with Him through the grace offered to us through Jesus Christ. He loved us so much that He forgives us when we repent from our sins. He throws them as far as the east is from the west. Through accepting the sacrificial and atoning work of Jesus on the cross and making Him the Lord of our lives, we are made whole with our Father once again.

He wants us to be family with Him. No matter what we have done. No matter how many times we have rejected Him, God still loves us and still pursues us. Are you awaking one morning foraging for husks of corn with the pigs when you realize that there has to be something better than the riotous life you are living? You realize that coming home to the Father is what you should do? He is waiting. He will run to you and put a robe of righteousness on you and accept you into the banquet hall for the feast at which He will seat you in the place of honor beside Him. But you first must come clean and come home. Once there, you will be made part of God’s family. No matter how many times you have rejected and abused God in the past, He is there waiting for you to realize how much He loves you. No matter how many times before. No matter. He will still pursue you. The only wait it is too late is if you go to your grave having not come home to Him. Only then is it too late. Come home, prodigal son. Come home prodigal daughter.

How many times is too many times? That is the question for me and my daughter. How many times is too many times? That is the question between you and God.

Amen and Amen.

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