Judges 2:1-5 – Discipline Starts at the Dinner Table

Posted: July 26, 2017 in Book of Judges, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Judges 2:1-5
The Angel of the Lord at Bokim

I remember when I was married to my second wife, I lived with her and her three boys. Watching the way discipline was handled by the boys’ mom was an eye-opener to me. For all the faults there were with my first marriage, one thing we did right was being consistent with discipline. However, by the time that I got the boys in this second marriage, they were 9, 6, and 3. Discipline patterns and child behavior patterns had already been set. I came in expecting consistent discipline and support from this wife when it was time to dole it out. However, what I found out was that life was going to be quite different from what I had expected.

One of my things with my children (which I learned from my dad) was that discipline starts at the dinner table. In my first marriage, whatever Lisa put on the table was what we all ate. No questions asked. If you didn’t eat it. You went hungry. No negotiations. No mom being a short-order cook for the husband and the two girls. We ate what she cooked and that was it. This sometimes was really difficult with Meghan and Taylor, but we never gave in on it. To this day, my girls will eat a wide variety of foods and will try any type of food at least once. This is where discipline begins. When you sit down at my dinner table, young lady, you will eat what is put in front of you and you will go hungry if you don’t. This simple discipline taught my girls not only to eat more than chicken nuggets but it also taught them that you cant always get what you want. It taught them that you can negotiate your way out of things you don’t want to do. It also taught them that there are fixed boundaries with parents that you cannot cross over. It also taught them that you can’t pitch a temper tamtrum to get what you want or to get out of something you don’t want. It taught them sometimes in life you just have to grin and bear when there is no easy way out of a situation.

With my second wife, the dinner table was like watching a cook at McDonalds. She would fix one meal for me and up to three different things for the three boys. It used to blow my mind. By the time I came into the picture, this pattern of behavior had already been set. I used to try to get the boys to eat what Trena and I were eating but the cast was set. That was not the only place that the kids had established a pattern of negotiating their way out of what they did not like. When they got in trouble and Trena or I would dole out a punishment, they would come back an hour or so after the confrontation and would beg their mom to let them off the hook. They would do in this in hourly cycles all night long. They would keep the pressure up until she would relent somewhat. They would negotiate their way down to almost having no punishment at all. Within 24 hours of this incessant whining and Trena not being willing to pay the price herself for whatever punishment was doled out, there would be no punishment anymore. When a punishment is inconvenient for the parent, we must be willing to pay the price as well so as to teach our children lessons. But all this lack of effective discipline with built-in consequences for actions led to an unruly household that used to drive me insane. My first marriage was a living hell much of it but in some ways this second marriage was just as soul crushing. I had no authority in my own home and that made our home like living in the insane asylum where the patients were in charge of the hospital.

Reading today’s passage reminded me of the time I spent in my second marriage. Here, we see the Israelites being called out for their disobedience. They then do all the right things, say the right things. But as we see immediately in the next passage, they go right back to what they were doing. It reminded me of how the boys would do stuff that they knew was wrong and against my rules but they would plain out do it any way just to spite me. Then, when they got busted by me for the millionth time, they would do all the right things and say the right things in front of their mom and get their sentence reduced or eliminated. And dinner time was like that too. If they didn’t wanna eat what was proposed they would negotiate their way out of it. In all of their patterns of behavior of negotiating of putting on the right appearances, they then got way with pretty much anything they did. They had no discipline. They learned situational ethics from the beginning. Do what you want. Rationalize it away as not being bad. Then go back to doing what you want. The boys and the Israelites reminded me a lot of each other when I read that they were called out. Then they dance the dance they needed to dance. But then go right back to doing the very things they were called out for.

Let’s read Judges 2:1-4 right now and see if you can get that same vibe as I did:

CHAPTER 2 

1 The angel of the Lord went up from Gilgal to Bokim and said, “I brought you up out of Egypt and led you into the land I swore to give to your ancestors. I said, ‘I will never break my covenant with you, 2 and you shall not make a covenant with the people of this land, but you shall break down their altars.’ Yet you have disobeyed me. Why have you done this? 3 And I have also said, ‘I will not drive them out before you; they will become traps for you, and their gods will become snares to you.’”

4 When the angel of the Lord had spoken these things to all the Israelites, the people wept aloud, 5 and they called that place Bokim.[a] There they offered sacrifices to the Lord.

 

Here you see that the angel called out the Israelites for their disobedience. The angel explains why God has his requirements for His people. God knew that the idol-worshiping, evil, immoral people of Canaan had to be completely driven out and destroyed. Because otherwise, they would become temptations and snares for the Israelites. We find from the remainder of the Old Testament that this came true and had disastrous consequences for Israel over the centuries. All because way back here in Judges, they disobeyed and got lazy in obeying God.

I know that it sounds crazy but with your kids, discipline must start at the dinner table. If you lose that battle, they will use it as a prompt for negotiations in other areas of life. We, as parents, must require and enforce discipline at the dinner table. If they don’t eat what mom puts on the table, then they go hungry. Plain and simple. It will only take one time of there being a consequence. Going hungry is a pretty good punishment for disobedience. If you lose that battle, they will learn that they can negotiate over punishments, over curfews, over homework, over you name it. Never lose the battle of the dinner table. It is the beginning of a slippery slope if you do. Then you get kids who think they can do all the right things to your face and then do whatever they want behind your back.

Here you see the Israelites dancing the dance that needs dancing for the moment to get themselves out of trouble. However, they go right back to doing wrong. However, instead of being able to negotiate their way out of or rationalizing away their out of consequences, God allows the consequences to play themselves out in the Israelites lives. It is the same kind of thing that happens with our kids. When we release them out into the world (with a I can get away with pretty much anything mentality), they will soon crash and burn and get crushed by the realities of the fact that world is not mom and the world doesn’t negotiate consequences. It all starts at the dinner table. Win that battle. Win the war.

It is the same with us as children of God. If we obey the Lord and if we stay in His Word, we will learn that God has boundaries for us not because He is some mean, capricious God but because He loves us and does not want us to become ensnared in sin and its non-negotiable consequences. God wants what is best for us. That’s why He wants obedience from us.

Amen and Amen.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s