Numbers 20:14-21 (Part 1) – The Grudge That Keeps on Grudging

Posted: September 30, 2016 in Book of Numbers
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Numbers 20:14-21 (Part 1 of 2)

Edom Refuses Israel Passage

Have you ever held a grudge against someone? A seething anger toward someone that makes you grow cold toward someone over time? It may have started as a small offense and has now grown to this major deal that causes you and the other person to not speak, to distrust, to suspect, and not to associate. Unless you are lucky, you have probably held a grudge against someone or someone has held a grudge against you. I have seen grudges in action both by my first ex-wife toward me and by my uncle toward my paternal grandparents.

 

With my ex-wife, it was a lifelong desire of hers to show anger toward me for having ended what had become a violent relationship. We had both had affairs during our marriage. There was her drug abuse, my co-dependency for years, just a toxic relationship where God was nowhere to found. Although I had forgiven her affair, by the time I had mine, it was a breath of fresh air that I was unwilling to give up. That does not make my affair justifiable in hindsight but it was my view at the time. I was literally afraid to leave her because of her vindictive nature. And, that assumption certainly played itself out in the years after she and I split. Any subsequent relationships that I had after her were marred by her anger and her hatred. She would tell anyone who would listen what a horrible person that I was. Her hatred toward me consumed her life. It was her raison d’etre. It was her reason for being. The grudge was its most intense during the three years between my split with her. It involved harassing phone calls. It involved preventing me from seeing my children to the point I had to take her to court over the issue. Her reaction was to justify the withholding of visitation rights by accusing me of having molested my oldest daughter during one of the visitations that I did get to have with my kids. That began years of vindictive behavior, particularly toward my second wife, that was only calmed in intensity when she remarried in 1996. Even after that, though not as vocal or expressive, I always learned through my daughters that my first wife still had this seething hatred for me. Even years later. My anger toward her for the things that I had put up with since our breakup (and during our marriage) became forgiveness and then pity. My first wife let her anger toward me become this all consuming reason for being that became her god and destroyed her life and what was once a promising nursing career.

 

With my one of my five uncles on my dad’s side of the family, it was my grandparent that said something about my uncle’s manhood when he and his wife had to adopt children. They were unable to have children of their own. My paternal grandpa said something really base to my uncle about his manhood and my uncle stormed out of my grandparent’s house in 1966 and never returned, never reconciled with the other brothers even after my grandparents’ respective deaths in 1979 (Pop) and 2008 (Granny), and my uncle’s death in 2014. My uncle went as far as to “adopt” a family in Inman as his “parents”. He would claim to others that his parents had died in a train crash. The irony of it all is that my uncle was a minister in the South Carolina Conference of the United Methodist Church. He was a very successful pastor and worked his way up to the largest United Methodist church in South Carolina before he retired. He refused to come home for Christmas, Thanksigiving, or any other family event, even the funerals of his parents. He refused to give the forgiveness he preached. My grandparents were equally as stubborn over the disrespects shown them over the years. They refused to forgive those things. And each year the list of offenses and reasons not to forgive and grew ever larger. And it all started with a remark made by my Pop in 1966. Knowing my shoot from the hip Pop who was rough, gruff and said everything that was on his mind no matter what, my Pop probably made the remark flippantly. I am sure that it was insensitive and maybe even deeply hurtful to my uncle but that was Pop. He had no filter to hold back comments that came to his mind. I was too little when my uncle left the family in 1966 to know the exact details of it all, but knowing my Pop and some of the rough, gruff and sometimes personal things he said to me and even my firs real long-term relationship (with the woman who became my first wife), I can see him saying something that was nothing to him but something big to my uncle. A flippant remark became a family feud that never ended even with my grandparents passed away and even to my uncle’s death. Even in his obituary, my uncle claimed no relationship to our family. Even in his death, there no forgiveness for his parents by reclaiming them as his valid and very real parents.

 

Grudges. Man can they kill your joy! My own experiences with major grudges is what I thought when I read through today’s passage, Numbers 20:14-21. This passage is a classic of an old grudge still living on years later:

 

14 Moses sent messengers from Kadesh to the king of Edom, saying:

 

“This is what your brother Israel says: You know about all the hardships that have come on us. 15 Our ancestors went down into Egypt, and we lived there many years. The Egyptians mistreated us and our ancestors, 16 but when we cried out to the Lord, he heard our cry and sent an angel and brought us out of Egypt.

 

“Now we are here at Kadesh, a town on the edge of your territory. 17 Please let us pass through your country. We will not go through any field or vineyard, or drink water from any well. We will travel along the King’s Highway and not turn to the right or to the left until we have passed through your territory.”

 

18 But Edom answered:

 

“You may not pass through here; if you try, we will march out and attack you with the sword.”

 

19 The Israelites replied:

 

“We will go along the main road, and if we or our livestock drink any of your water, we will pay for it. We only want to pass through on foot—nothing else.”

 

20 Again they answered:

 

“You may not pass through.”

 

Then Edom came out against them with a large and powerful army. 21 Since Edom refused to let them go through their territory, Israel turned away from them.

 

Let us go back in time to reflect on this passage. Two brothers became the ancestors of two nations. The Edomites descended from Esau and the Israelites from Jacob. Thus, the Israelites were “relatives” of the Edomites. Because of their common ancestry, Moses sent a brotherly message to the Edomite king. The Edomites refused. Why? Do you think it had its roots in the saga of Jacob and Esau? Most likely it did. There was distrust of the Israelites by the Edomites. This distrust and maybe even hatred had its roots in the two brothers, Jacob and Esau. The Edomite king not only said no but sent troops to prevent the Israelites from even touching their land. Jacob and Esau were the classic sibling rivalry. They even struggled with one another in the womb. The rivalry was so bad that Jacob bamboozled Esau into selling Jacob his birthright for a pot of stew. That began the enmity between Esau and his descendants for Jacob and his. A pot of good smelling stew to a weak minded man began a family feud that grew and grew and never relented. This confrontation here is not the end of it either:

  • Israel’s kings had constant conflict with Edom
    • Saul 1 Sam. 14:47
    • David 2 Sam. 8:13-14
    • Solomon 1 Kings 11:14-22
    • Jehoram 2 Kings 8:20-22; 2 Chron. 21:8ff
    • Jehoram 2 Kings 8:20-22; 2 Chron. 21:8ff
    • Ahaz 2 Chron. 28:16
  • Edom urged Babylon to destroy Jerusalem – Psalm 137:7 Remember, O Lord, what the Edomites did on the day Jerusalem fell. “Tear it down,” they cried, “tear it down to its foundations!”

 

What is our takeaway from all of this? Let us go to Psalm 130:3-4 If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? [4] But with you there is forgiveness. Let us go to elsewhere in God’s Word:

 

  • 1 John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
  • Matthew 6:14 says, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
  • Luke 6:37 indicates “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
  • 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
  • Jude 1:20 But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit,

 

We have been forgiven by God through the sacrificial death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. We did not deserve forgiveness. We stand accused before a mighty and holy and perfect God. We are dead to rights in our sins and should be justly sent to hell. But God in his infinite love for us gives us a way out, a way to be reconciled to Him. So, then, how can we withhold forgiveness for others? How can we keep a record of offenses and yet claim the forgiveness and clean slate that we have in Jesus Christ? That’s pride my friends. Pride is sin. So, we compound sin with sin when we refuse to forgive.

 

True forgiveness is to forgive those who are not forgiving us. When we wait to do some mutual forgiveness thing at the same time or are waiting for the other person to step forward first, the list of offenses will simply grow. We cannot make these offenses against us our god. We cannot let them rule our lives. Take the first step. Be Jesus to those who have a grudge against you. Don’t let it last a lifetime. Don’t let it last generations. Be the change that you seek in others. Be the first to forgive. Step forward. Give you anger and hurt to the Lord and let Him guide your steps in reconciliation. Do not let your anger or your hurt be your god. Let God be your God. Be Jesus to the very people that have hurt you. Be the one who opens their life up and lives transparently in front of the other. Let them see that you are a sinner just as much as they are a sinner. Let us be the one that starts the peace process by opening up our lives to the other person even if they don’t ever forgive you. Getting payback of I forgive you if you forgive me is not what Jesus seeks. He gave his life for us when we were yet sinners. Someone has to stop the madness. It is you, the Christ follower. We must show the same love without expectation of payback that Jesus showed us. Jesus loved us so much that He died for us even before you and I were born and even before you and I accepted Him as Savior. How’s that for taking the first step? Love instead of hate. Trust instead of suspicion. Open book instead of hiding things. Take the first step. Be the change you seek. End the grudge now! Amen and Amen.

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